What Not To Say!
Updated: Oct 24, 2022
I couldn't let let October end without writing about Pregnancy and Infant Loss as I am a survivor of two miscarriages. Losing a child is one of the most painful experiences a woman can go through. It doesn’t matter if it’s during pregnancy, child birth or after. I want to help alleviate some pain for so many women by giving you some things not to say to them. Sometimes we don’t realize it but our words can make them hurt even more.
Well at least you didn’t know you were pregnant.
Maybe it was God’s plan.
At least you weren't that far along.
It wasn’t even a real baby yet.
Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.
It isn’t time for you to have kids yet.
Well at least you can get pregnant.
You can always just try again.
This happens to everyone.
It’s no big deal.
You will be fine in a few days.
You should still be grateful for the children you have.
Maybe it’s for the best.
Now you have an Angel looking out for you.
There must have been something wrong.
Did you do something that you shouldn’t have done?
At least you didn’t know your baby yet.
They were twins and you should be thankful that you still have one.
God doesn’t make any mistakes.
You shouldn’t question God’s will.
These statements are very painful to women in this situation. Statements like these are the main reasons some women will hide their pregnancies or go though the loss alone.
I’m sure there is plenty of more things that people say to women that feels like a punch in the stomach to them. This is just a reminder to be kind with our words and to stop and think first as we don’t want to make this time for them even more unbearable. Don’t expect them to just get over it. Be kind and gentle to them. Be there for them. Sometimes they may just need a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.
When you carry a life and it's there, and then gone, a part of your soul dies. Forever.
~Casey Wiegano